Tuesday, August 24, 2010

RC#36: Omelchenko's Sandbox


published in Eastern Economist #420, February 19, 2002
There’s an old Ukrainian saying. “A sacred spot never stays empty.” I mostly remember this when the cat comes and sits on my chair just as soon as I get up to get a drink of water or change the movie in the VCR. Kyiv’s mayor is finding out that the same thing goes if you take a break to run for different office.
            There’s no doubt that last year was Oleksandr Omelchenko’s year. While protesters lined the streets shouting Ukraine without Kuchma, the mayor was busy prettifying the country’s capital for its tenth birthday.
            Sure, you could hear plenty of spiteful comments later about the statue of Ukraïna looking like a pinhead. Perspective does that. But there were also complaints that a younger Mrs. Kuchma had been the model. Some said the baroque gilding looked like a portrait of red-haired Mr. K himself. Yet, when the parade marched down Khreshchatyk Aug. 24, all the pensioners were saying, “Take a good look at all of this, Mr. Putin!”
            Not only was Mr. Omelchenko the man behind it all, but he and his president seemed the best of buddies. Kyiv’s own Dynamic Duo.
            Now, Mr. Kuchma’s putting out the message, Kyiv without Omelchenko.
            I think it all comes back to the Maidan.
            Just about a year ago, Ukraine was in a bit of an uproar. People were angry about a dead journalist called Georgiy Gongadze. They were angry about a dismissed vice premier called Yulia Tymoshenko. And they were angry about tapes of a foul-mouthed president called Leonid Kuchma.
            For the first time since independence, Ukrainians were expressing their opinion with their feet. And where else in Kyiv should they have done it than on Maidan Nezalezhnosti or Independence Square?
            The Maidan is the very heart of Kyiv. Five streets run down the hill to the granite-paved Maidan framed by bushy chestnut trees and boasting a good-sized fountain. In front of it runs Kyiv’s famous cross-town avenue, Khreshchatyk.
            On a typical weekend afternoon, tens of thousands of people milled around here, getting their pictures taken, buying Ukrainian books and tapes, and eating ice-cream – even in the dead of winter. On special occasions, such as Kyiv Days or Independence Day, the Maidan’s fountain was covered over and a huge stage erected for music festivals. More than 300,000 people crowded the area to hear a single final concert of Chervona Ruta, the biannual rock talent festival.
            In other words, the Maidan was a major gathering place.
            But in late February last year, the mayor broke up the tent city that protesters had put up. Shortly afterward, bulldozers began breaking up the Maidan itself – all in preparation for the 10th Anniversary. Residents of the capital knew nothing about it. There were no city hall debates, no published renderings. But grandiose plans were in motion and all anyone could do was sit and wait to see what materialized.
            Meanwhile, protesters were hard-pressed to find a place to gather. They tried Shevchenko Park. They tried Mariïnskiy Palace, next to the Verkhovna Rada. But it wasn’t the same. Soon, the scandal died down and the placards disappeared.
            By Aug. 24, the Maidan was transformed.
            The fact that the original Maidan was still half-boarded up didn’t matter. Or that the underground mall would take another two years to finish. Nor did doubts as to the soundness of the construction have any dampening effect. But you’d be hard-pressed to fit 2-3,000 people into the remaining open spaces.
            The Omelchenko-Kuchma axis had never been stronger.
            Now the mayor went hog-wild.
            First he put a statue of Kozak Mamai to the right of Ukraïna-on-her-pillar. He put the founders of Kyiv to her left. All three are by different artists.
            He went to work across the road on the Maidan. A glass dome on the grassy knoll was joined by several more skylights, all revealing the depth of the still-unbuilt shopping mall.
            Down came St. Michael the Archangel – stiff as a tin soldier and admittedly pretty awful. He was replaced on his column by an electric blue spinning globe. A replica of the old gates – whose remains had been “accidentally” destroyed during construction – went up kitty-corner. On top stood a new St. Michael. Paint is already peeling in places on this pastiche of the Arc de Triomphe. And poor Michael is so glitzed in gold, he looks like a baroque drag queen.
            Meanwhile, the mayor rearranged some political furniture too. He launched a new party called Yednist, ostensibly to campaign for the Verkhovna Rada. In private, he admitted that mixing with the hoi polloi in the VR was not his ultimate ambition. The presidency was.
            In February, a popular television channel accused Mayor Omelchenko of conspiring to remove its license. Mr. Omelchenko threatened to sue.
            The next day, Mr. Kuchma appointed an acting mayor to replace him.
            Mayor Omelchenko now accused the premier of conspiring against him. He tried to withdraw his request for leave during the VR campaign. The Guarantor of Ukraine’s Constitution laughed in the mayor’s face. He told his one-time buddy. “Too much power is concentrated in one man’s hands in the country’s capital.”
            The ensuing squabble over who controls city accounts and council meetings was even more embarrassing than the architectural kitsch on display downtown.
            But there you have it. Two thin-skinned power-hungry men. One’s upset about being spoofed on TV. The other’s upset that everyone is laughing at his hairline.
            Is there anything else these two could try going after? An American friend said the other day, “The best thing about Kyiv is the Dnipro River – and they can’t change that!”
            As I look at the white sand beaches, I hope he’s right. •
–from the notebooks of Pan. O.

RC#35: Ernestine's Cousins


published in Eastern Economist #419, February 12, 2002
One of the most memorable characters from Laugh-In, a 1970s comedy show, was Lily Tomlin’s Ernestine. Ernestine was a buck-toothed woman with a horsey snicker who sat at a switchboard at The Telephone Company. Whenever callers complained about something, her answer was, “We don’t care. We don’t have to (snicker, snicker). We’re The Telephone Company.”
            Ernestine is the epitome of bureaucratic hell. And her cousins seem to have been answering phones in Ukraine since way back.
            Just getting information has been a form of water-torture. Our office does a lot of gathering of information of all kinds. That means people spend lots of time on the phone trying to persuade other people to part with that information.
            Some of it’s factual as in “What’s the name of the boss of company X?” If you read “Who Owns Ukraine?” last week, you’ve got some pretty good answers to that. And some idea why it’s not a simple question.
            Some of the information is statistical, such as “How many companies in sector Y turned a profit last year?”
            It used to be that you could get economic data from at least seven different bodies. There was the ministry that ran the specific sector, of course. MinEcon, MinFin, the Industrial Policy Ministry, the Cabinet of Ministers, the Premier’s Office, and even the Presidential Administration also tried their hand at massaging numbers. With as many different results. Last, but not least, there was Ukraine's official statistics agency, DerzhKomStat.
            One time an associate had a connection in a state enterprise department from whom she needed some information.
            “Hello, this is So-and-so, department manager of Company X. I need some information for a report on–”
            “I’m not going to give you any information,” said the man. “I don’t know anything and I don’t deal with this.” Click!
            Another associate tried a contact at MinEcon.
            “Hello, may I speak to So-and-so?”
            “He’s not around.”
            The next day he was told the person was on a business trip, so he tried a different contact in the same department. The second person was also away – on the same business trip.
            He called a third contact.
            “I need to get some information, Serhiy, but your website doesn’t have it.”
            “Yeah, it’s not very up-to-date. Sorry I can’t help you. My job is public relations for MinEcon.”
            “But isn’t this part of PR?”
            “Well, I’m sorry, but I don’t have time to deal with it.” Click!
            A couple of days later, the same associate was walking down the street when a car honked at him. Out jumped out a man whom he didn’t recognize.
            “Don’t you remember me? We rode on the train together from Ternopil last spring.”
            Turned out the guy worked in a ministry and the subject got around to – getting information. “Call me any time!” he said. “I’ll be happy to help you. Just tell me what you need and I’ll do what I can to get it for you.”
            Nowadays statistics are consolidated under one roof, at the agency whose raison-d’être is statistics. So we’ve been turning to DerzhKomStat more.
            “Hello, I’m from Company X and I need some information.”
            “Sorry, we can’t help you right now. Call back next week.”
            The associate tried calling a manager listed on their website.
            “Hello, etc, I need information.”
            “What kind of information?”
            “Some regional indicators.”
            “Why are you calling me for this?”
            “You’re listed as the regional manager.”
            “I don’t deal with this kind of thing. Besides, we only do this for money.”
            “Can I meet with you to explain what I need. That way you can decide whether or not you can help me.”
            “No, you can’t. I’m too busy. Call my deputy.” Click!
            Sofia, his deputy, was somewhat more forthcoming.
            “Send us a written request. It’ll be reviewed in a week or two. In about a month, you’ll get your information for free. But even if you pay, it’ll take at least a week.”
            “If we pay you more, will it be any faster?”
            “Not really.”
            Things are looking up, though. The other day, someone called a regional sector management department.
            “Hello, this is so-and-so from Company x. May I speak to Ivan Poshpishailo?”
            “This is Pospishailo. How can I help you?”
            “Can you give us an idea of companies that are state- and private-owned in your sector?”
            “No problem.”
            “I also need to know if they’re profitable or not.”
            “No problem, I can fax that you that as well. Is there anything else?”
            “No, that’ll do. Thanks for your help.”
            “Not at all.”
            What about filing complaints, the classic Ernestine-detector?
            If it’s something in your neighborhood, the local police department says the procedure is simple. Just gather signatures from people in your building who feel the same and write a formal complaint to the dilnychiy militsioner or district police chief. It doesn’t sound like individual residents can lodge a complaint. Could be their way of eliminating cranks. In any case, they promise that the police will look into the matter to resolve it.
            If you’re having problems with anything in your own apartment and your Zhek – the residential services bureau – is unresponsive, the City of Kyiv actually has a residential emergency service. Just dial 057. It’s billed as a number for “all problems in the home,” water, gas, heating, electricity and so on. A friend of mine swears by it.
            “We had a really unresponsive Zhek. Once it was power outtages, the other time it was leaking water. So I tried this number. They registered my complaint very courteously and took care of it within a few hours.”
            In other words, I’m happy to report, Ernestine’s Ukrainian cousins seem to be going into retirement. •
–from the notebooks of Pan O.

RC#34: Poor Ol' Good Ol' Boy


published in Eastern Economist #418, February 5, 2002
Last week might have been heaven-sent, but this week a few worms have turned.
            Take Serhiy “Mr. Clean” Tyhipko. It’s been a little rough lately for Mr. Tyhipko. Less than a year ago, he was a serious contender for premier until Anatoliy “Willy” Kinakh got the thankless job instead. Word got out late in January that Mr. Tykipko was being fingered for laundering money through Privatbank to the tune of US $150mn.
            That’s twice as much as Mr. Tkachenko scrubbed through Zemlia i Liudy, a 1990s farm sector scam. And it’s a good chunk more – nearly 40% more – than Washington accuses Pavlo Lazarenko of rinsing through. If Mr. Tyhipko goes down, he may drag a few well-placed people down with him. For one thing, Mr. Kuchma also had interests in the bank – even if at arm’s length.
            I’d say it’s good news, though, that this kind of stuff is now coming to light, regardless of the political motivations.
            Take the president’s Chief-of-Staff, Volodymyr Lytvyn. A nice-looking guy. Clean-cut, silver-haired. Sort of like Jay Leno without the Clintonian jaw. Mr. Lytvyn hasn’t been feeling so good lately, either. He started the new year with a bang after his car apparently hit another car that had drifted into his lane Dec 29.
            The driver in the Zhyguli died.
            While Mr. Lytvyn was still in hospital recovering, Mykhail Brodskiy, Yabluko’s wide-girthed political gadfly, began to cast doubt on the official version of what had happened. Specifically, he accused Mr. Lytvyn’s driver of “speeding excessively.”
            In Ukraine, there are several classes of speeding. There’s “speeding normally.” That’s when you’re doing a steady 10 klicks above the speed limit and step on the gas to make a changing traffic light, never passing the 19-klick unofficial limit above the posted limit.
            Then there’s “speeding regularly.” That’s when you consistently drive 20-25 klicks above the speed limit in the city and 40-80 klicks above the speed limit on the highway.
            “Speeding excessively” is when someone else’s chauffeur drives faster than yours. Mr. Brodskiy seems to be suffering a slight case of chassis envy.
            Luckily, Mr. Lyvtyn has connections in high places, because the next thing, the president’s man in the Interior Ministry not only exonerated Mr. Lytvyn’s driver, but called for an investigation into a possible assassination attempt. Suicide drivers in Zhygulis? Hmmm…
            Mr. Lyvtyn got out of hospital with only an ugly white bandage patch on his lobe to show for all the excitement.
            But maybe that knock on his head did more damage than X-rays could show. The demon political ambition must have bit the soul of the leader of the Za yedynu Ukraïnu bloc. Because Mr. Lytvyn turned around and published an article Jan. 19 in Fakty, a popular tabloid, called “Civil society: myth and reality.” In it, he argued that the development of civil society was useless in transition countries.
            Frankly, I would have flunked him for the dreadful title. It’s the classic title for any BS essay that ninth graders use whenever they write about topics they neither understand nor care about.
            Everything seemed hunky-dory – until someone noticed that chunks of Mr. Lytvyn’s piece were taken verbatim from someone else’s article. To whit: an American political scientist by the name of Thomas Carothers published a piece called “Civil society: Think again” in Foreign Affairs – in 1999.
            The miracle of the Internet.
            Given the irritation that intellectual property law has become for Ukraine, this did not go over very well. But Mr. Lytvyn’s immediately response, in squirmy soviet style, was to deny that he had placed the article and to insist that “someone” had “set him up.”
            “These attacks are all coming from NGOs that are financed from abroad,” he told journalists. “They’re criticizing the latest thought in American science in my article.”
            This explanation in the domestic press impressed a total of three people. And they thought that he was talking about the car accident.
            Then Radio Svoboda – Radio Liberty in American – did an interview with the gentleman. Mr. Lytvyn by now admitted that he had, indeed “borrowed” some ideas from Mr. Carothers, but he insisted that he had added his own thoughts to the mix.
            That really stuck in the craw of two Ukrainian PhD candidates at Cambridge. Vlad Mykhnenko and Mykhailo Vynnytskiy wrote an open letter Jan. 29 to Mr. Lytvyn saying, “You signed this article as an associate member of the Ukrainian Academy of Sciences and as a professor… [W]e feel ashamed that that a person of such qualifications, moreover a highly placed official in the Ukrainian government, could have violated intellectual property in this way.”
            They called on all Ukrainian academics and scientists to insist that Mr. Lytvyn return any academic honors and recognitions he has been granted. “This is the least that you can do to save your own face and the reputation Ukrainian science.” Amen.
            That same day, Mr. Lytvyn appeared on a popular TV show, Same toi [That’s the one]. When asked why he had plaigiarized, Mr. Lytvyn told his host, “It’s a PR thing… I just wanted to show that you don’t have to get too excited about civil society.”
            The following day, Ukraïnska Pravda interviewed the original author, Tom Carothers. “I’m even less happy about the fact that he changed some passages… I was raising important questions about civil society. Mr. Lytvyn twisted my ideas to simply attack civil society.”
            Is Mr. Lytvyn repentant? On the contrary. He went on the record again in Ivano-Frankivsk Feb. 1, saying that he had not plaigiarized but “summarized and analysed” Carothers’ article. “It was a PR move. I wanted to see public reaction.”
            Nor was that all. Mr. Lytvyn now says this was just the first of a series of three articles.
            It seems he comes from a long-standing soviet traditon, actually. An old Tom Lehrer ditty called "Lobachevsky" went, "Let nothing new evade your eyes/and plagiarize, plagiarize, plagiarize…" Of course, he was referring to soviet mathematicians...! •
–from the notebooks of Pan. O

RC#33: A Week of Wonders


published in Eastern Economist #417, January 28, 2002
Most of us are used to bitching about the Week from Hell. But when’s the last time you felt you had a Week from Heaven? I’d say that’s what it must feel like in Kyiv just about now. Not to mention bookies the world over, when some real long shots came in to win.
            Things went swimmingly in Paris on Monday, where the hot news was not Paris Club negotiations but Olympic champion Yana Klochkova. The Divine Ms K clocked in a world record that shaved a whole second off the previous best and took the world championship.
            The clocked ticked equally well for Ukraine on Tuesday, where the world championship in chess heated up in Moscow. Two young Ukrainians took the field by storm and faced each other off on Wednesday. Ukraine couldn’t lose, but it could win with a bang. And so it did: 18-year-old who took the title broke a record for the youngest Grand Master ever to win the crown.
            Wednesday brought a surprise in basketball. The national team beat favored Lithuania for the first time, to move into second place in the A Group. Who knows, Ukraine might even qualify for the 2003 European championships.
            Then, news came from London on Thursday about a different kind of move up. Moody’s Investors Service announced that they were upgrading Ukraine’s foreign currency ceiling from Caa1 to B2 for bonds and to B3 for bank deposits. All outstanding bonds, both foreign currency and hryvnia denominated, get bumped up to B2. Ukraine’s better-looking economy and stability are behind it, thanks in part to economic improvements in Russia and to Russian investment in Ukraine. But, hey, FDI is FDI, and non-Russian investment has been looking up, too. Those of you hanging out in New York, Paris and Istanbul should keep your eyes out for food and clothing marked “Made in Ukraine.” Walmart’s already placed their orders.
            Dynamo Kyiv made everybody’s day on Friday. The team has been very up and down since losing some of its key players to richer European teams. This season, they just managed to squeak in to the semi-final round by edging Ashkhabad’s Nisa 3:2. Faced with a new opponent from Riga, Dynamo was nervous at first. But they got their heads out of the sand in time to make three goals and win the match against Sconto. Now they only have to do the same to Moscow Spartak in the finals.
            Saturday offered the most fun news of the week. Vopli Vidoplasova celebrated their 15th anniversary in a sellout concert at Palats Sportu. Better known by the shortened VV (Veh-Veh), leader Oleh Skrypka named his band “the shrieks of Vidoplasov” after a character in Dostoyevsky. Since old Fyodor was incredibly depressing, most of his books are about lives of desperate internal shrieking. With his froggy voice and hallmark low, rumbling yodel, the name suits Skrypka.
            VV’s not for the delicate of hearing.
            The size of the whistling and jumping crowd was impressive, especially since I’ve mostly been going to sedate classical concerts in recent years. The stands were about 80% full and the floor was jammed nigh wall-to-wall. The average age was probably about 19 and three-quarters, but I saw both toddlers and pensioners in the crowd.
            There were two VIP sections right up by the stage, jammed with bodies from barrier to barrier. Standing room only, no seats, I thought smugly as I settled into my tenth row spot. So much for VIP treatment. I figure these “pens” held roughly about 900 people each, and that was only the front 40% of the floor area. My Canadian friend commented how dangerous this would be if there were ever a panic. I shook my head: “Ukrainians don’t tend to panic.”
            Halfway through the concert, though, we were all standing up trying to dance between the narrow plastic arms of our flipped-up seats. That’s when I decided that the mass of jiggling fans on the floor had the better deal.
            As the band set up, the overhead screen played a series of black and white clips from VV’s early years. The clip from a 1989 concert in Poland my friend had been to had very sophisticated computer effects, considering how early it was for modern bands in Ukraine. In fact, all the entire video matched the beat of the songs that played in the background as the film cut from one scene to another, even though it was a mix of shows, backstage, goofing around with friends and so on.
            Starting with VV’s soviet-era songs, the first portion of the concert ended with (how appropriate) a presentation by an official from the Kyiv mayor’s office. It was the only political pitch in the whole evening and the crowd hissed a little when he began. Although it did seem like a script from a different planet, the band took it in stride. After the watches and flowers had been parcelled out, Skrypka commented:
            “We have to treat these folks with tact,
            so let’s put on a brief entr’acte.”
            Skrypka himself plays several guitars, trumpet and harmonica in addition to his signature bayan or button accordion. Throughout two-hour-plus show, he was a veritable Jumping Jack Flash, switching tops and instruments in a heartbeat.
            Above him, the video screen showed a mix of straight close-ups, effects and clips cleverly chosen to match the songs. In one instance, a coy Indian maiden in sari does a teasing dance with a suitor in a 1970’s men's suit to the perfectly matched beat of VV’s rock song. Laser tracings and fireworks completed the show’s effects.
            At least 8,000 sore throats went home when it was all over at 21:45 – including mine.
            Like I said, a Week from Heaven. •
–from the notebooks of Pan O.

RC#32: Censeless, or: Much Ado About Numbers

published in Eastern Economist #416, January 21, 2002
Without a whole lot of fanfare, Ukraine’s leaders decided to mark the 10th anniversary of the last time Ukrainians stood up to be counted – the independence referendum Dec. 1, 1991 – by asking them to stand up and be counted properly. So, Dec. 5-14, the country underwent its first official census.
            Reaction was mixed among Ukrainians. Most people didn’t seem to mind the 70¢ per person pricetag the process carried with it – Hr 200mn or US $38mn, according to Oleksandr Osaulenko, who runs DerzhKomStat, the state statistics committee.
            Without doubt it’s a big chunk of change to spend on something that could be considered non-essential. Hospitals don’t have equipment and medicine. Schools lack textbooks. Teachers and nurses aren’t being paid regularly in many places. And so on.
            But that wasn’t what bothered people, it seems.
            Just as the census was about to go into full swing, a phone interview published in an obscure Moscow paper, Trud [see RC#29] made a lot of Ukrainians sit up and take notice. In it, their president went on the record saying he thought Russian should have official status in Ukraine.
            On Dec. 4, Chernivtsi Governor Teofil Bauer reported that Romanian activists were putting pressure on ethnic Moldovans in Bukovyna to declare themselves Romanian citizens. The Odesa-Ismail Metropolitan of the Russian Orthodox Church began pushing not to renew or expand the Ukrainian language.
            Whatever side of the fence they fell on, Ukrainian citizens were not pleased that the census was being politicized.
            Even in the West, census information, like any other data, can be used for political purposes. The worst example is the jerrymandering of electoral districts according to the racial and other profiles of various neighborhoods that census data provides. And there is no doubt that some canvassing and propaganda go on when social services dollars are at stake. (Is someone with less than 50% Mexican ancestry “Hispanic” or “white”?)
            In this neck of the woods, the history of censuses is even blacker. Back in the Middle Ages, when Russia first began counting the men on its territory – women and children didn’t figure –, protests by peasants who did not want to appear on the “Devil’s lists” even resulted in fatalities.
            Right after the 1932-3 Holodomor (Manmade Famine), Josef Stalin held a census. When the results came in, he promptly confiscated them and executed all those who were involved. The evidence of his bloodthirsty policies clearly did not please the Great Leader.
            You might think, then that Mr. Osaulenko would have had a hard time finding anyone willing to be a canvasser in Ukraine. But that was not a problem. Some 250,000 people were needed to complete the task, and across Ukraine an army made up mostly of women began going door-to-door Dec. 5.
            Since one thing that worried a lot of people was safety, this was to the good.
            Once things got underway, the media began airing stories about Russian-speaking canvassers harrassing people who insisted on registering as native-speaking Ukrainians, even in Kyiv. (I didn't find any reports of the reverse happening anywhere in Ukraine.)
            This was connected, in a number of instances, with canvassers noting information down, not on the forms as they were supposed to, but on scraps of paper or in notebooks.
            Den’ columnist Klara Gudzyk wrote: “Since both sides are extremely aggravated by the formulation of the language questions, this seems to me to indicate that the questions are on the money.”
            Uriadoviy Kuryer’s Anastasia Matiushina agreed: “The language questions are neither ambiguous nor leading.”
            Judge for yourself: The census survey on language consists of three very straightforward questions:
(a) Your mother tongue is ___________.
(b) If your mother tongue is not Ukrainian, please indicate if you are fluent in Ukrainian. ___________
(c) Other language that you speak fluently ___________.
            That’s it. So, how can one and the same set of results to the same set of questions possibly lead “to the establishment of a second official language,” and “to the continuing discrimination against the great Russian tongue?” Only if someone changes the formulation of these questions.
            Mykyta Kasianenko, the Simferopol correspondent for Den’, confirmed that this was happening: “Many canvassers phrased questions in a leading fashion, such as ‘What language did you learn in school?’ What could people living in Crimea possibly have learned in school when, even today, 95% of all Crimean schools are Russian?”
            All this fuss got me thinking. So I talked to 10 people I know. They come from Kyiv, L’viv, Odesa and Kirovohrad.
            Not one of them had anything bad to say about the canvassers or about the questions. Most had said the interviews were brief and professional. Only one family had refused to respond at all. “Those questions are unconstitutional,” the son told me.
            “Which ones?”
            “About work and incomes.” Like many Ukrainians who work in the shadow economy, they didn’t want to go on the record about money.
            “You didn’t have to answer them.”
            “That’s true,” he said. “Actually, I think our dog scared them off, but they probably got the information from our neighbors anyway.”
            One journalist put the whole exercise in a different perspective. “The whole purpose of any census is to allow individuals to declare who they are,” wrote Matiushina, “the way they see themselves.”
            A Kyivite I spoke to did just that. “The canvasser wouldn’t let me put more than one language as the second language, so I put English and German for my husband and my children, not Russian.” Native Russian-speakers didn’t have that constraint: they could put Ukrainian in (b) and another language in (c).
            The average Ukrainian has long moved on to other things. Says one young woman from Kirovohrad, “I don’t think the census results are going to reveal much, but I’m pretty certain they will largely be accurate.” That already says a lot. •
–from the notebooks of Pan O.

RC#31: A Site to Behold!

published in Eastern Economist #415, January 15, 2002
There’s no question that technology is way ahead of the average Ukrainian voter. With an Internet penetration of well under 10%, most of the hot stuff in Ukraine is happening in what can only be called a virtual desert.
            Last week half of Ukraine was reading, listening or watching the gory details of a phone conversation. There’s not much to say about a phone call where one guy is rude and aggressive and the other guy can’t get in a word edgewise.
            As to the content, seems to me this is the kind of politicking that goes on in the Capitol or on Parliament Hill every day of the year, just about:
            “Tom, what’s this I hear that the California caucus ain’t going with us on the McClosky-Hernia bill. You promised me those votes. Are they gonna be there or are you blowin’ me off?”
            “Yes, Joe-Bob, I mean, no–”
            “Don’t be a shmuck, Tom-boy, don’t try to screw on this one!”
            “I-ah–”
            “And besides what’s this crap I hear about your buddy Jack. What’s his problem?”
            “Jack?–”
            “I hear he’s whining about this deal to everybody. What is he, anyway, a baby in diapers?”
            “Wait a–”
            “Full of poop?!?” etc, etc, etc.
            What’s the lesson here? The guy with the bigger mouthpiece wins? Nice guys finish last? Kind of reminds me why I never want to get into politics. But definitely not something to spend more than a nanosecond thinking about, either.
            But this Yushchenko tape thing won’t go away. It’s even got a spot on a new website called nedovira.com.ua. Nedovira means distrust in Ukrainian. The site is supposed to be “For Fair Elections,” as Mr. Ponomarchuk put it.
            This was a challenge I couldn’t refuse. So I logged on during a dull moment on a Saturday afternoon.
            At first glance, the page looks technically polished. The design is professional and the organization is good. There’s a mugshot of a guy covering his face and a Christmas greeting. Oops – there’s a spelling mistake in the greeting. Oh well, nobody’s perfect.
            Wait a minute. I look up at the top again and realize that it says, “The All-Ukrainian Movement for Honesty in Politics.” Didn’t these guys call themselves “For Fair Elections” at the press conference?
            Further down it reads:
            “Dear visitors, At the beginning of 2002, Rukh was given over the most serious material yet that proves the dishonesty of our politicians...”
            If the above-mentioned conversation constitutes “the most serious material yet,” I think, this country must be cleaner than Tide.
            “…At a Rukh meeting Jan. 8, it was decided to publicize these materials.”
            Wait a minute. I didn’t know Rukh was involved in this. Chornovil’s Rukh is the national movement that started Ukraine on the path to independence back in 1990. And nobody else uses the name like that today. But dirty tricks are just not Rukh’s style. This is pretty confusing.
            I decide that they must be referring to their own “movement.” But I’m feeling creeping nedovira about this site.
            Below this is a window titled, “The 25 most dishonest politicians.”
            At the top stands Viktor Yushchenko, accused of plotting to remove Viktor Medvedchuk.
            Second, Oleksandr Omelchenko, accused of plotting to remove Viktor Medvedchuk.
            Third, Pavlo Lazarenko, accused of being the godfather of corruption, etc.
            The entire entry on Yushchenko, on another page, never goes beyond the taped conversation. It grandly accuses him, by having worked to remove Medvedchuk, of “disenchanting voters who see him as the new leader of an independent Ukraine.”
            The same page contains the complete list of the most dishonest 25. Among them are such familiar names as Zviahilskiy, Brodskiy, Bakai, Surkis. Only one name is missing in this illustrious company: Medvedchuk.
            Well, it’s time to get to business and fight all these creeps. I press a button at the top that says “How to fight political lies.”
            A page comes up, with – a list of other sites. The list starts with lucky.net and ends with card.lucky.net, passing through libido and gold. Not a news or political site in the lot. Fight political lies with irrelevant advertising for your ISP? OK…
            Another page opens with a banner saying “What to do with compromising materials.”
            There’s a tedious declaration from the founders, Mr. O. Ihnatenko and Mr. V. Rubtsov. I’m curious about the two running this “movement.” I call a reporter who was at the original press briefing. Mr. Ihnatenko is a twenty-something entrepreneur who claims the tax police shut him down so he decided to go into politics.
            Rubstov is another story altogether. Back in 1999, before the presidential election, there was a look-alike contest called “Don’t let yourself be fooled.” Rubtsov won as a Kuchma look-alike.
            At the very bottom of this informative page, two little windows entice: “Sensation of the day.” I click on one and find myself on korrespondent.net.
            There is nothing on korrespondent.net of a particularly sensational nature. It’s just a news site that belongs to an American publisher in Kyiv.
            As the first page refreshes, there is a “Bigmir.net” box and three “big banner net” banners in three places. “Bigmir” and “big bn” belong to the same American publisher.
            Whoever is behind this site, and Mr. Medvedchuk certainly seems the first candidate for the role, it also looks like a western publisher is very cosy with this lot. No comment.
            The Committee for Journalistic Ethics is the one shining light in this entire sordid exercise. They went on the record saying about it all: “The use of illegal methods of information-gathering, tendentiousness and the absence of balance in its presentation, we consider sufficient to declare that such information has nothing in common with professional journalism.”
            Someone should post this on the nedovira site. •
–from the notebooks of Pan. O

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

RC#30: Boys Just Gotta Have Fun


published in Eastern Economist #411, December 18, 2001
Water babies
I’ve been avoiding the VR cafeteria of late. Something there doesn’t agree with my stomach. Could be the interior. But this week I had to go to wrap up some business. The walls were actually spic and span, quite a change from the food fights back in late May, when debate of the Land Code finally got serious and the Communists realized that they were about to lose their bowl of soup [see RC#7].
            Things were nice and quiet and I was sipping my coffee (no sugar), waiting for news of the Medvedchuk vote when suddenly the door flew open and there he was. None other than Tovarish Charodeyev – the Charmer, as it were, in Russian. Only this time, it was not messy mayonnaise on the deputy’s shirt front but obviously an entire pitcher of water soaking him from head to foot.
            “Oi, oi, oi,” I cooed in his direction. “Must be those beastly Ruhkivtsi,” I added, oozing sympathy.
            “That’s exactly what I said,” sputtered Ukraine’s dripping answer to Vladimir Zhirinovsky, “and they leapt on me like a bunch of pit bulls. Doused me with water, can you believe it!”
            “Dear me,” I muttered, “thank your stars it wasn’t a pitcher of compote.”
            Our friend was undoubtedly getting his shorts all into a knot – and those of some all-Ukrainian patriot as well, from the sounds of it. This is the man who has called deputies “pederasts” and worse, who’s been known to tip compote on people in the cafeteria.
            Good old Charodeyev. Maybe Yabluko boss Mikhail Brodskiy pays him to do this stuff, I thought. Broad-skiy, as I personally think of the 120 kg dude who once owned Kyiv’s favorite tabloid, Kiyevksiye Vyedomosti, and suckered half of Kyiv with his pyramid schemes, has never been averse to a little well-placed publicity – of whatever kind.
            “So what, now, pane Charodeyev,” I asked him after a couple of sips, watching his disgruntled face as he shook his sleeves and hair out like a dripping bear just foiled by a pack of salmon on the run.
            “They want to exile me from the Rada for 10 days.”
            “Only 10 days?” I murmured. “Why worry, it’s winter recess anyway, if I’m not mistaken. It’ll give everyone a little break. Time to think of more pleasant things, like New Year's presents and Sviat Vechir.”
            “I don’t celebrate Christmas,” came back the woeful reply.
            “You don’t? Oh my, I’m sorry, pane Charodeyev,” I said in my most dulcet tones. “How about Channukah?”
            “Nope, not that either.”
            “Maybe it’s time you reconsidered and got into the spirits of the season?” I suggested gently. Poor soul, he knows how to get attention, but not presents wrapped in colorful paper and cute ribbons. What the VR really needs is an annual gift exchange. I should drop that bee in Ivan’s little bonnet, I thought, folding my paper and getting up from my table.
            Just then, I remembered the momentous decision before the legislature that morning.
            “What about the Medvedchuk vote?”
            “He’s history.”
            Well, I thought, the year is ending with a bang, after all. And it wasn’t the passing of a law allowing journalists to carry arms.

Rubber souls
There’s been such a kafuffle over journalists being attacked and killed this past year, making Ukraine the shame of Europe in terms of press freedoms. Last summer, after a Sloviansk TV producer was beaten with bats and died July 7 of his injuries, Ukrainain police warned journalists not to carry on their own investigations in order to not put their lives in danger. But this kind of saves the lives of journalists at the cost of killing the most important – and most interesting – function of a free press in the first place. Not to mention that it looked like an effort to silence the work of investigative journalism, so sorely lacking in any real way in Ukraine.
            But while Mr. Oleksandrov was known to have been involved in exposing local corruption and organized crime, local police did not think the murder was connected. In September, Deputy PG Serhiy Vinokurov announced that a suspect had testified that Mr. Oleksandrov had been killed “by mistake.” How many other attacks against journalists, including possibly Georgiy Gongadze – who apparently owed money, hung out with strange people in dangerous parts of the world, and was having an extramarital affair – are only coincidentally related to their professional work, and sometimes only accidentally related to them at all, is hard to say. After all, Ukraïnska Pravda was never shut down for even a nanosecond. Nor does Grani’s Tetiana Korobova, who vituperates everyone from Kuchma on down, have trouble being published.
            Nevertheless, the Interior Minister felt he had to offer some gesture. So Gen. Smirnov issued an order Dec. 8 allowing journalists to bear arms. No one was surprised – or particularly impressed. Possibly wanting to avoid complete mayhem, with mini-skirted blondes carrying pearl-encrusted pistolettes to interviews with rude lawmakers, the order limits the weapons to handguns of domestic manufacture that use rubber bullets. A kind of low-grade stun gun that can take someone out at close range and is powerful enough to knock a man off his feet at 10 meters.
            Now, that might prove useful against assailants with bats, but what good will it be if the attack really is a contracted murder, complete with guns that fire real bullets? What about the point that you have to not only know how to use a weapon, but be psychologically prepared to actually fire it at someone? Perhaps what journalists and other people at risk had better do is take up basic martial arts training. This would help them to develop greater alertness when they are taking out the garbage. After all, most of the assaults have taken place near the victims’ homes or offices. •
–from the notebooks of Pan O.